So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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