I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
