Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
