hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
