i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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