I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
