I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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