So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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