Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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