I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
