Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Someone shit on the floor
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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