'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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