not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
