Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
