my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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