my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
