I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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