Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
