porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
