I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
