on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
