Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
