The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
