"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
