He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We left the knife in your bed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
