TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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