I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
