I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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