I puked a lego.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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