dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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