Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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