Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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