everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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