I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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