I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm always down for nudity.
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