Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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