He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
