i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Semen is not good for contacts.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
