I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
