I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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