the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
