9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
