I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
