There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
