How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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