The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
