Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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