First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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