And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
