Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it because I queefed?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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