just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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