you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
