so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
