I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
