I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
